


L'incarnation de deux moitiés

by ennuithereyet



Series: Découverte [2]
Category: Call Me By Your Name (2017) RPF
Genre: Drabble, Established Relationship, Focused on Timmy's personal growth, Gender Confusion, Gender Issues, Little Women References, Marijuana, Nonbinary Character, Not focused on the relationship, Other, photoshoot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:40:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26753707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ennuithereyet/pseuds/ennuithereyet
Summary: Something she had said had caused that sinking feeling in his stomach, though. It happened to him sometimes, when someone made a comment, but not often enough for him to find any pattern in it. There were just some comments that would make him feel like reality had shifted by an inch and he was the only one who had noticed.
Relationships: Timothée Chalamet/Armie Hammer
Series: Découverte [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1948588
Comments: 4
Kudos: 35





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back with more nb!Timmy! I've gotten so many supportive comments and reactions to the other nb!Timmy fic I posted, and I appreciate each and every one of them <3 Hopefully you will enjoy this one too.
> 
> This fic skips forward to when Timmy and Saoirse did a photoshoot and interview with EW to promote Little Women. If you haven't seen the video/photos/article from it, it will probably help you understand the fic better, so the link to it is [here](https://ew.com/movies/2019/10/17/saoirse-ronan-timothee-chalamet-cover-story/). Lil Timmy Tim is starting to figure some things out a bit.

“I mean, I think right now, obviously, with the sort of landscape we have right now in film and TV and just in pop culture there’s much more of a sense of camaraderie with girls, and the bonds between women and also how men exist in that world as well…”

Saoirse went on, talking about the male characters in  _ Little Women _ and their interactions with the leading characters, the women, but Timmy found himself a bit tuned-out. He didn’t intend to; this was an interview and it was for the biggest movie he’d ever done and for a major magazine and he needed to stay on point. But he felt… well, it felt a little like going cross-eyed, with one eye still on the interview going on in front of him and the other drifting off, unfocused. He wasn’t  _ actually _ cross-eyed, by any means, but rather watching Saoirse and trying to pay attention to what she was saying.

Something she had said had caused that sinking feeling in his stomach, though. It happened to him sometimes, when someone made a comment, but not often enough for him to find any pattern in it. There were just some comments that would make him feel like reality had shifted by an inch and he was the only one who had noticed.

No, it wasn’t something she had said, Timmy realized. It was her look, the way she glanced at him when she talked about the men in the movie, clearly indicating him as representative of that group.

_ You embody them, _ Saoirse had said just minutes earlier, when he’d mentioned that Emma and Florence and Eliza should be there instead of him.

The interviewer asked another question and Timmy snapped back to attention, refocusing himself on his work.

Jacqueline, the costumer for the movie, had had Timmy and Saoirse share several wardrobe pieces during shooting.  _ They are two halves, _ Amy Pascal had explained it. It was as much about subverting gender norms as it was about showing the connection between Jo and Laurie, about how their roles fluctuate and change from what was expected at the time, about how they are always in tune with each other, a dance as fluid and as energetic as the one they filmed over thirty takes of in the middle of the night ages ago. 

He thought of the way he and Saoirse were at the photo shoot, so comfortable with each other after working together on two films. He thought of seeing the rack of clothes lined up for him, soft fabrics and pastel colors. He thought of looking in the mirror after changing into each new look. Of course he thought he looked good. These were curated looks for a major magazine. They were designed to make him look good. Of course he thought he looked good.

_ They are two halves _ , he thought as he washed off his makeup.

_ You embody them. _

He went back to his apartment that afternoon and laid in bed, missing the cool, smooth feeling of silk against his skin.

They sent a copy of the final edits for him and his team to approve a few weeks before the article was set to release. He was laying on his couch when he got the link, having a bit of a lazy day since his agenda was surprisingly clear and Armie was in town for the weekend. 

Armie had just gotten out of the shower, so he was only wearing sweats and still slightly damp as he walked by and stopped when he caught sight of Timmy’s screen. He leaned over the arm of the couch, putting his head on Timmy’s shoulder, and he made a curious sound.

Timmy was engrossed enough in the pictures that he didn’t even react when Armie came up behind him other than to explain, “From that EW shoot with Saoirse.”

Armie hummed to confirm that he’d heard, but was otherwise silent as Timmy scrolled through the photos. 

“So fucking gorgeous, T,” he said when they finally got to the end. He patted Timmy on the cheek and pressed a kiss to his other one as he pulled away and headed to the kitchen, jokingly calling out, “You’re gonna destroy the internet and you didn’t even need to pour champagne on your ass!”

Timmy just hummed and started scrolling back up through the photos, scrutinizing himself in each one. He didn’t realize until a minute later when Armie gently grabbed his hand that he’d been chewing on the edge of his thumbnail. 

Armie nudged him into sitting up, so he did. Armie set a glass of water down on the table and sat next to Timmy with his arm casually around the other’s shoulders.

“What?” Armie asked as Timmy put his laptop - screen still open to his pictures - on the coffee table in front of them. “You don’t like them?”

Timmy leaned into Armie’s side, eyes still on the photo he’d left it on, one of just him in that ivory blouse with open, ruffled sleeves and a line of pearls down the front. He shrugged. “It’s not that…” he said.

The arm around Timmy’s shoulder was more intentional now, holding Tim closer to Armie. 

Armie waited.

“It’s a great concept,” Timmy explained after a bit, “especially with the movie and it fits right into what Jacqueline had us wearing for that and into Greta’s vision, and you know I’m fine with wearing shit that’s different and new so it’s not that, and I mean the photos came out great, but it’s just…” He trailed off, but Armie seemed to be able to find a conclusion anyway.

“You’re worried about the reaction,” he assessed. 

“I mean,” Timmy said. “Not- I’m not even worried about that. I mean, I shouldn’t be, right? Like, fuck gender norms and roles and all that shit, and I can even tie that into the movie, so if anything the publicity would be good, but it’s…”

Armie waited again.

“I don’t know what it is,” Timmy finally admitted. He started chewing on his thumbnail again. 

Armie waited a moment to see if Timmy was going to say anything else, and then he pressed a kiss to the other’s head. “You could choose the ones you’re most okay with and see if they’ll just use those?” he suggested. He took Timmy’s hand and laced their fingers.

Timmy sighed. He leaned forward and scrolled through the photos again. 

_ They are two halves.  _

“No, all of them are fine,” he told Armie eventually, stilling on a photo that shows a close-up of his face. He felt his own eyes searing through the screen and his skin.

_ You embody them. _

He closed the laptop. He would email back the okay another time.

_ Laurie bows, Jo awkwardly curtsies and then they go dancing wildly up and down a wrap-around porch, _ Timmy remembered the script saying. It had been so long since filming, but it seemed seared into his brain.  _ It’s actually very romantic in its exuberance. Sometimes Jo is the woman and sometimes the man - same with Laurie.  _

__ Timmy rolled over and tried to go back to sleep.

__ Never read the comments. It was the first and most basic rule of having any kind of internet following. Never. Read. The Comments.

He buried his face in a throw pillow as the phone was ringing, only turning to the side when Saoirse picked up.

“Sersh, I fucked up,” he announced without any kind of greeting.

He heard Saoirse sigh deeply on the other end of the line. “What did you do?”

“I read the comments.”

There was a pause, and Timmy imagined Saoirse closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. “You are a fucking idiot,” she told him.

“Yeah,” he agreed.

“Look, I’ve got a thing until three, and then I’m coming over to slap you,” Saoirse said.

“Alright,” Timmy said, not even arguing about it. 

“No more internet,” she told him firmly. “If I hear you’ve been on the internet between now and when I get there, I will make you regret it, Chalamet.”

“Okay. Thanks Sersh. Love you.”

“Yeah, I know. See you soon.”

_ Sometimes Jo is the woman and sometimes the man - same with Laurie.  _

She hung up on him, and Timmy just rolled onto his other side, facing the back of the couch, and tried not to think. 

As soon as Saoirse got to Timmy’s apartment later that afternoon, she made good on her promise to slap him. She just slapped him upside the head, and Timmy nodded, because yeah, he deserved that, and she’d warned him, after all. Then she headed into his living room and sat down on the couch and started rifling through the backpack she’d brought. After a moment, she pulled out a bottle of vodka and a bag of weed. “Choose your poison,” she instructed.

Not much later, Timmy was sharing a joint with Saoirse, lying on the couch with his head in her lap. 

“So why’d you do it?” Saoirse asked him. Her accent was stronger when she was high.

“Huh?” 

“Read the comments, dumbass.”

“Oh,” Timmy said. He had to think about it, because he didn’t have a good answer. There was no good answer. “Dunno,” he admitted.

_ He’s a real boy!  _ Amy says of Laurie.

_ We don’t want any boys,  _ Meg adds. _ This is a club for ladies _ .

“Mmhm,” Saoirse hummed disapprovingly. “Well, let’s hear it, then. What’d they say?”

Timmy took a drag from the joint. “Said you’re hot,” he said, looking up at her. “So they’re right about that. About me… ‘Two nice-looking ladies.’ ‘I remember when men looked masculine.’ ‘Timothee does not walk the straight and narrow path.’ ‘Maybe he should’ve been cast as Jo March instead.’”

Saoirse made a sound that showed just how much bullshit she thought that was. “As if I’d let you take that role from me,” she said. “You know I would’ve fought you for it if I had to.”

Timmy snorted a laugh at that, because he couldn’t help it.

Saoirse grabbed the joint and took a drag before beginning to stroke Timmy’s hair. “You know it’s just the internet,” she said. “People online are always the worst. The  _ worst.  _ They don’t think what they say affects anyone in real life.”

“But that means they’re honest,” Timmy pointed out.

Saoirse sighed. 

“And they’re right about me not being straight,” he added.

“They’re still assholes.”

Timmy hummed, neither agreeing nor disagreeing. He took the joint back from Saoirse.

They were quiet for a few minutes, just smoking and passing the joint and Saoirse stroking Timmy’s hair.

“Is it weird that I don’t really mind it?” Timmy eventually asked.

“Hm?”

“Is it weird that I don’t mind it,” Timmy repeated. “People thinking I looked like a girl.”

“Why would that be weird?”

Timmy shrugged. “Wouldn’t most guys?”

“Maybe,” Saoirse admitted. “But most guys are shit, aren’t they? And you’re not. Maybe that’s why you don’t mind.”

“That doesn’t make sense.”

“Well, it’s not like you think it’s an insult, do you?” Saoirse asked. “To be a girl? Most guys would take being called a girl and think it means they’re… lesser, or some shit like that, you know? But you know that’s a load of crap.”

“Hm,” Timmy said, thinking that over for a minute. “I guess. Even not-shit guys would be angry about it though, I think. Like if it was Armie, I think it’d annoy him.”

“I don’t think anyone’s going to call him feminine anytime soon,” Saoirse snorted. 

“I mean, how would you feel if they were calling you a guy?”

Saoirse shrugged. “I don’t think it’d bother me that much,” she admitted.

Timmy went quiet, thinking again.

_ Sometimes Jo is the woman and sometimes the man - same with Laurie. _

“I think I kind of liked it.”

“Hm?”

“Looking so feminine. People thinking I looked like a girl. I think I kind of liked it.”

Saoirse was quiet for a long while before eventually sighing. “So that’s what this is about,” she murmured.

Timmy squeezed his eyes shut and rolled onto his side.

“Oh, Timmy,” Saoirse sighed, still stroking his hair. “What are we going to do with you?”

“I mean, it’s not like gender really  _ means _ anything, right?” Timmy asked later, when his high had really started settling in. “It’s like, it’s just one of those… what’s it called again? A social… social construct, that’s it. It’s all just one big social construct.”

“Mhmm,” Saoirse agreed. “Fuck gender.”

“And it’s like… what even  _ is  _ gender, you know?” He was sitting on the couch next to Saoirse now, lazing back and watching the stillness of the room in front of him. “Like, what  _ is  _ it?”

Saoirse hummed. “No clue,” she finally said. “I mean, it’s got nothing to do with your bits, does it? That’s what everyone says now, innit?” 

“Yeah.”

“And it’s not like it’s clothes, eh? Girl’s’ve been wearing pants for over a hundred years now, and we haven’t magically transformed into boys from it.”

“Mm.”

“So what is it, then?” Saoirse asked. “I mean, I know I’m a girl, but it’s not because of my bits or my clothes, so why do I feel that I’m a girl, right?”

“Maybe that’s it, though,” Timmy said, lolling his head to the side to look at Saoirse. “Maybe it’s just what you feel.”

Saoirse considered that for a long moment. “Yeah. Maybe. I guess that makes sense.”

Timmy was silent for a bit, rolling his head back up to stare at the smooth white ceiling. Finally, he said, “A lot of times I don’t feel like a guy.”

He felt Saoirse’s eyes on him. 

“D’you feel like a girl?” she asked.

“No,” Timmy said, and then he corrected, “Maybe. Sometimes? I don’t know. I don’t know.”

_ They are two halves. _

Saoirse was still watching him, and it was starting to make him uncomfortable.

“You’re hot as both though,” she finally said, and it was so unexpected that he burst out laughing, falling to the side until he was resting his head on her shoulder.

“Guess that’s something,” he chuckled.

_ You embody them. _


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It took a moment for Timmy to realize that he was shaking a little. He clicked the screen off and laid there a minute, his heart racing in his chest. He had no clue why. It wasn’t like this changed anything. It was just an article on the internet. It didn’t change anything.
> 
> (Except it did. It changed everything.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More self-discovery for Timmy and some conversation with Armie. 
> 
> Not suuuuper happy with this part but I think it's necessary to the whole plot of things.
> 
> The links Timmy reads in this part are [1](https://allaboutgender.com/2018/07/04/how-to-know-if-youre-non-binary/) and [2](https://allaboutgender.com/2019/03/31/i-think-im-non-binary-common-traits-non-binary-people-have/).

A few days later, Saoirse texted him a link. 

From Sersh💩: Might be worth taking a look at

Timmy looked at the preview of the link and chewed on his lip.

_ How to Know if You’re Non-Binary _ was the headline.

He let his thumb hover over the link so long his screen went black. He unlocked his phone again and hesitated with his finger over the link for another moment, then tapped the box to reply instead.

To Sersh💩: Thx. i’ll read it when i get the chance.

He didn’t have any plans until that evening, but she didn’t need to know that. He locked his phone and went to read through a script instead. 

It took another week for him to gather up the courage to press the link. When he finally did it, he was in bed and unable to fall asleep, and he remembered how he’d promised Sersh he would look at it, and he couldn’t try to tell himself he wasn’t curious. 

He tapped the link and waited in his dark room for the page to load.

It wasn’t not like he’d never heard of nonbinary people before. He went to a performing arts school. He knew lots of people in the NYC acting community, and so did his mom and sister, and he had grown up in  _ Hell’s Kitchen  _ for god’s sake. At some point in his life, he had probably known more queer people than straight ones. So, while he didn’t personally have any nonbinary friends or acquaintances, he had friends who had talked about nonbinary people and gender identities and all that.

He had just never thought that it really applied to him.

These hadn’t been in-depth conversations, after all, rather just casual discussions in which the topic had been brought up. He’d heard people talk about needing more gender-neutral bathrooms or being supportive of using gender-neutral pronouns and while he was all in favor of those things to make other people more comfortable, he hadn’t felt it strictly necessary for himself. 

He looked at the article. 

_ People often have “gender reveal” parties for their babies. You’ll see balloons in grocery stores that say, “It’s a boy!” or “It’s a girl!” _

_ But what if it’s neither? Or both? _

Both?

_ So a non-binary individual is simply someone who does not consider themself a man or a woman. They can feel most comfortable in between the two, switch from a man to woman and vice versa, or identify in multiple different ways. _

It took a moment for Timmy to realize that he was shaking a little. He clicked the screen off and laid there a minute, his heart racing in his chest. He had no clue why. It wasn’t like this changed anything. It was just an article on the internet. It didn’t change anything.

(Except it did. It changed everything.)

He calmed himself down a little and went back to the article.

_...it’s not the body that dictates gender identity, but simply how a person feels within their body.  _

So he was right about that, when he and Saoirse had talked about it while they were high. For some reason, being right about it didn’t feel satisfying at all.

_ And if you’re reading this, you’re probably feeling some type of way about the body you were born into.  _

And that only made him more anxious. It was like it was saying that just by reading this article, it meant he was nonbinary, and that was… terrifying, for a reason he hadn’t had a chance to think through yet. 

_ So with that let’s talk about practical ways you can know if you’re non-binary: _

_ You don’t feel comfortable on either gender binary. You don’t want to be seen as a man, you don’t want to be seen as woman. You don’t like she/her or he/him pronouns. All in all, you feel someplace in the middle of male and female. _

Well, crap. It wasn’t a hundred percent what he felt. He didn’t mind pronouns, he thought, and it wasn’t that he didn’t want to be seen as a man or as a woman, it was just that he couldn’t seem to make up his mind about which. It wasn’t that he didn’t feel comfortable on either gender binary but that he felt comfortable on both. It wasn’t that he felt someplace in the middle but that he felt like he was the whole thing. Even though his feelings didn’t line up with what the article said, though, Timmy didn’t think it was a promising sign that he was just a normal cis guy. 

_ You feel as if you have to be reminded that you’re a man or woman. _

Alright, well. That was… it wasn’t that he  _ had _ to be reminded that he was a dude, it was just that sometimes he did kind of forget. Like during  _ Little Women _ filming, it was easy for him to forget that he wasn’t ‘one of the girls.’ He had thought it was just character bleed, because Laurie definitely forgot at times, like when Jo tried to get him into their club, but now that he was thinking about it… maybe it was more than just that. He had always felt equally comfortable around girls and guys, but he’d always figured that was because he was bi. Still, Timmy considered this bullet point only half-true for him, since he didn’t  _ need _ to be reminded about it. He was pretty good at reminding himself when it was necessary. 

_ You feel weird when someone calls you he/him or she/her. Something about they/them pronouns honor you, or you feel the best knowing that you’re not being seen as a male or female. _

This one… not really? He was fine with people calling him ‘he.’ He didn’t think he would mind being called by other pronouns, but that could just be because he was an easygoing Zoomer who just didn’t care about things like that. Did other people his age actually care, though? Was he just assuming that they didn’t but they did? And there were also all those moments where he  _ did _ care, not about pronouns but about whether people saw him as male or female. But it wasn’t consistent. There were times he wanted people to see him as a guy and times he kind of wished people saw him as feminine. So where did he fit in there? Did that make this question a yes or a no? He had no clue. Why was this all so confusing and frustrating? Why couldn’t it just be a simple answer?

_ You’ve changed your appearance to be more androgynous. _

Well, that last photoshoot didn’t leave him with much of an argument against this one. Because while that hadn’t been his choice of outfits - they had been styled by someone much more talented than him - he had really liked it. He had liked looking in the mirror and feeling like if a stranger saw him, they wouldn’t necessarily know if he was a guy or a girl. He’d really liked that.

Fuck.

Timmy clicked off his phone screen and tossed the device aside before rolling onto his stomach and burying his face in his pillow, as if that would help anything. He hadn’t been able to answer a full “no” to any of the questions. And while that wasn’t a  _ bad _ thing, and it wouldn’t be a  _ bad  _ thing if he was nonbinary, it was just… not really the answer he wanted. He had hoped for more of a definitive “nothing to worry about here” answer. Instead, he just got more questions.

He didn’t have the time to deal with any of this. His life was a mess as-is. The little time he wasn’t working (which really was hardly any time at all), he was trying to spend with Armie or not abandoning his friends or family entirely, or trying to figure out how to advance his career even further, or trying to not burn out completely, and at the end of it all, he had almost no time at all to sleep.

Which was what he should be doing now, but this stupid gender thing was keeping him awake. Fuck that.

He turned onto his side and grabbed his phone. He might as well finish the article if he was going to be awake. There were a bunch of videos at the end, but another article on the site caught his eye.  _ “I Think I’m Non-Binary.” Common Traits Non-Binary People Have _ . He clicked on it. Maybe this would give him more answers about where he fit into all this, since his answers to the list in the previous article hadn’t been full yeses or nos. 

He scanned through the article, trying to get it over with. He looked at the list of traits and decided to just mentally check off the ones that fit.

_ Feeling disconnected to the concept of gender.  _ \- Check, kind of? When he read the explanation more thoroughly, though, he had to change it to a full check.  _ Gender seems like a shallow and illogical way to structure how we treat people. _ How was that a nonbinary thing, though? Wasn’t that an everybody thing?

_ Not really understanding why people adhere to gender.  _ \- Check. He couldn’t argue on that one.

_ But you still play with gender.  _ \- Damnit. Check. Another undeniable one. Once again, the photoshoot kind of proved that.

_ Not wanting to be gendered. -  _ He had to read through the explanation of this one, too.  _ Let’s say you’ve been called “he” all your life, but one day someone slips up and calls you “she.” If you don’t care because it’s just a word to you, you’re probably non-binary.  _ Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Check.

_ Not giving one single care about gender roles.  _ Okay, but he was a modern, open-minded guy. Wasn’t that just something to expect of people these days, especially people his age? He didn’t know many people at all who actually believed in gender roles. Still, check.

_ Feeling weird about gendered parts of your body.  _ Well, as Armie could attest to, Timmy just had insecurities up the wazoo, so he felt weird about  _ all _ the parts of his body at times. And it wasn’t like he wanted to have boobs or a vagina or anything. He was pretty happy having a dick. But there was also… Well, he couldn’t help but think about that time with Armie in Crema when that discussion about facial hair got him so uncomfortable. And all the times since then he’s felt uncomfortable about that, or about his adam’s apple, or about his jawline. So… he would go with a partial check on this one. He couldn’t be sure it wasn’t just him having massive insecurities that had nothing to do with gender.

Great. That was a 5.5 out of 6. So it was pretty undeniable, then. He couldn’t argue against that. All of these items seemed just so… normal to him, though. They didn’t seem like outlandish ways of thinking. He thought this was how the majority of people felt. Apparently, he was wrong. Has he always had some abnormal ways of thinking and just never known? Was that just about gender, or were there other things he thought were completely normal that were actually quite different and strange? Was there anything normal about him at all?

His phone buzzed as a text came in.

From 🖕🖕🖕🖕: know you’re probably asleep by now, but i’m just now getting home and wanted to check in. today was insane but i’ll tell you tomorrow. sleep well. 

Timmy stared at Armie’s message for a bit before deciding to reply.

To 🖕🖕🖕🖕: nah i’m still awake. can’t sleep.

From 🖕🖕🖕🖕: something going on?

Timmy felt his heart beating against his ribcage. He started typing a response.

_ Saoirse sent me this link the other day and i think i might be _

He backspaced and started again.

_ Ever since the EW shoot i’ve been thinking about if i might _

He backspaced again.

_ What would you think if i said i might be _ __

Deleted again.

To 🖕🖕🖕🖕: not rly. brain just won’t let me sleep.

Timmy could almost feel Armie’s suspicion as he read over the text and started to respond. Those three little dots stared at him from the screen as he waited for Armie’s reply.

From 🖕🖕🖕🖕: Ok. Let me know if i can help with anything. 

From 🖕🖕🖕🖕: Want to facetime? 

Timmy chewed on his lip. He didn’t know if he was in any state for being seen right now, even by Armie.

To 🖕🖕🖕🖕: dont wanna turn on the light. 

From 🖕🖕🖕🖕: Call then? miss your voice.

And damn, how could Timmy say no to that? He didn’t even respond, just tapped the button to call Armie. It only rang once before Armie picked up.

“Hey,” he greeted, and Timmy could hear the man’s smile.

“Hey,” Timmy echoed. His voice was rough from exhaustion. “Might fall asleep soon,” he warned, putting his phone on speaker so he could set it aside and curl up with his pillow.

“That’s fine,” Armie assured him. “You need sleep.”

Timmy hummed in agreement.

“What’s keeping you up?” Armie asked.

“You, right now,” Timmy joked.

“Ha, ha,” Armie said humorlessly. “I meant before I texted.”

Timmy sighed. “Like I said. Brain’s just being stupid.”

“Stupid how?”

“Too-much-thinking stupid.”

“Ah. I want to make a joke about how that’s not a problem you’ve ever had before, but we both know you’re too fucking smart for that to make any sense whatsoever.”

Timmy mustered the energy for a small chuckle. He heard noises on the other end of the line. “What’re you up to?” he asked, mostly to distract from his own thoughts.

“Making dinner,” Armie explained. 

It was past 9 p.m. for Armie, but dinner at that time wasn’t too unusual for either of them, given their schedules. “What’cha having?”

“Grilled salmon and vegetables,” Armie said. “But don’t try to change the subject. What’re you thinking about so much?”

Timmy hesitated, and since this was a call, he knew Armie heard his hesitation. But he just couldn’t tell him. He didn’t know why, but the thought of explaining this all to Armie just… terrified him.

“Just… stuff,” he eventually answered.

“Uh-huh,” Armie said, sarcasm thick. “Let me guess, you’ve also been plagued by  _ stuff _ ’s good friend  _ things _ , too?”

Timmy felt so guilty. He should be able to tell Armie. They told each other everything. They had talked a lot about how they could tell each other anything. But he just couldn’t tell him this.

“Sorry,” Timmy mumbled. 

Armie sighed. “No, it’s- if something’s going on, I want you to be able to tell me. I can’t help if you don’t tell me what’s going on. But I shouldn’t push you if you don’t want to talk about it.”

Timmy squeezed his pillow closer, feeling even more guilty now. Armie just wanted to help him. “Sorry,” he repeated. “It’s just- I don’t think it’s something you could help with, anyway.”

There was a pause, and then Armie’s voice was small as he said, “Oh. Alright.”

“I just mean,” Timmy rushed to say, “it’s not the kind of thing that’s really  _ helped _ , it’s not something  _ anyone _ could help with, it’s just- it’s something I need to deal with, and it’ll be- it’ll be fine. I just need to… to get over it.” He was trying to convince himself as much as he was Armie.

“Right,” Armie said, and Timmy hated that he couldn’t be sure Armie believed him. “Well, even if you just want to vent-”

“I can come to you, I know,” Timmy interrupted, eager to reassure Armie. “I promise, this isn’t anything huge, or anything like that. It’s just- I’m just being stupid.”

“Tim…”

“I know, I know, don’t call myself stupid, but it’s true, my brain is just being stupid.”

Armie sighed. “If you say so,” he said. Timmy hated burdening him like this.

“How’s dinner coming?” Timmy asked, in order to change the subject.

“Almost ready,” Armie said, accepting the topic change.

“That’s good,” Timmy said, and he realized he didn’t have anything else to say about it. “How was your day?”

Armie started telling him about it, about the meetings he had with different execs, about an interview he’d done, about the shitty traffic in LA, about the kids waking him up early in the morning.

When Timmy yawned three times in less than a minute, Armie paused in the middle of a rant about how this one studio exec he’d met for a lunch meeting treated the waiter like crap.

“Should I let you get to sleep?” he asked.

Timmy hummed, eyes closed. “No, no, this is helping,” he mumbled. “Keep talking. Sorry if I fall asleep on you.”

“That’s fine,” Armie assured him. “Sleep if you can. I’ll keep rambling until I can hear you snoring away.”

“I don’t snore,” Timmy grumbled.

“Of course not, babe,” Armie teased. “Good night.”

“G’night.”

“Love you.”

“Love you.”

Armie resumed his story about the asshole exec then, and it only took a few minutes before Timmy had fallen soundly asleep.


End file.
